Welcome to the second part of the series where we will be exploring different struggles that people of the INFP personality type may face in their everyday life. Today we will be discussing self expression, finding and valuing your ‘voice’ and authenticity in regards to relating your true self to others. As always, people of any type can struggle with these things, so I hope that no matter your type you will receive some value from this message.
If this is your first visit here, I would firstly like to encourage you to read my previous post, ‘Improving Self Esteem & Recognising Your Value Within‘, as self esteem and self expression are highly interrelated. This will be a continuation of my last post, if you will. Like my last post, I approach this subject with much humility and empathy, as someone who continues to struggle with expressing myself in social situations, and doubting whether what I do express is true to myself. I certainly do not claim to have all the answers, rather I hope to be someone you can relate to and encourage you in some way.
Let’s start by asking this: what does it mean to express yourself? Self expression can be defined as the expression of one’s personality; the assertion of one’s individual traits. It may involve voicing your thoughts, feelings and opinions in speaking, writing or an art form. It is an indication of your spirit and character, and it is how we interact with others and the world. Expressing yourself can both be purely fulfilling and alarmingly frustrating. I should also mention that when I refer to self expression I’m not just referring to expressing yourself through your physical appearance, but rather on a deeper level, having the courage to express the deeper parts of yourself.
As an INFP, and as an introvert, things often make more sense in our minds. I’m not at all suggesting that you need to turn into this extroverted, outgoing person who speaks everything on his/her mind. The first step is to accept yourself where you are at, and recognise the importance of expressing yourself so that when you do have something to voice, you can feel that you can do so freely.
Neuroscience is suggesting that self expression might be one of the most important ways for people to connect, journey and flourish together. Research is teaching us that something important happens inside our brain when our world view is validated publicly; when our voice is heard and acknowledged, when we realise we are not alone in our inner thoughts. However, in my experience, my fear of not being heard or accepted has often outweighed my desire to be heard. I am learning to step outside my comfort zone.
Psychological research shows that as you become transparent about your aspirations, desires to co-create and also what you fear and feel threatened by, you feel a release inside. The more you practice self expression, you gain the courage and a space to share your views without judgement. You have a chance to speak out and have your opinions valued. You can move from a fearful state of protection to partnering with others by being open to sharing and discovering their fears and aspirations.
Like I briefly mentioned before, the first step to learning to authentically express yourself is self acceptance, and recognising that you have something valuable to offer to society (this is also where developing a positive self esteem is a vital foundation). Whatever you feel is holding you back, whether that be fear, low self esteem or self doubt, remember that you have a unique set of experiences and personal qualities. Only you can express the intrinsic value within yourself, that can add value to society.
Also remember that courage is not the absence of fear. Authentic communication always carries an element of risk, as we may fear what the other person’s reaction to us will be. Know that you are not responsible for other people’s perception of you, but you are responsible for allowing yourself the freedom to express. A quote from Harvey Fierstein puts it beautifully: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no-one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
It is also important to recognise that often we are our own worst (and quite possibly only) critic. While you may feel that you are doing a terrible job at expressing yourself, not making any sense or not making a difference, remember that the other person is most likely more concerned with how them themselves are coming across! I realised this firsthand when I applied for a job a couple of weeks ago. I put my big girl pants on and went in to meet the manager, terrified that I would make a fool of myself. Halfway through the meeting I saw that he wrote “well presented and well spoken” on my resume. That was a big confidence boost as I realised I could express myself well even if I felt fearful inside.
Self expression is about uncovering your soulful power within. I must emphasise that it is not just about seeking external validation. As I elaborated on in the last post, our self worth must come from within. Are we sharing our talent, gift or message to get attention and approval from others to compensate for our own feelings of inadequacy? Or are we doing it because it is our essence and purpose?
Lastly we will briefly discuss the topic of authenticity. It is easy to tell someone who is struggling with self expression to ‘just be yourself’, but what does that actually mean? Authenticity is something that no one can give you, and no one can take away from you. It is part of your own personal journey of self-discovery. When we pretend to be someone we’re not, we deny ourselves the enjoyment of being who we really are. We may often say things that we don’t mean, to accommodate to what we think other people want to hear, in order to receive approval. Authentic expression is not about trying to impress others, but being ourselves in our fullness.
Before I conclude this post I just wanted to thank you for your support and readership of my first few posts. Starting this blog was a big step for me in my own journey of learning to use my voice and express myself. I hope you will leave this space both uplifted and challenged to live in authentic and meaningful self expression, recognising the unconditional value within yourself. I hope you had a safe and happy holiday season, and wish you all the best for a blessed 2017.
Sarah
References /further reading
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